Leviathan's Door: Part 1 - A New Day

Drudgery...

That was the word ringing inside his head that monday morning on his way to work. it was not exactly a feeling of utter helplessness and depression, but it was close enough to warrant a sullen blankness on his face that day. He was on his way to the office that day when that word ringed inside his head inexplicably. The office, it was not some place he was particularly fond of. In truth, he actually dreaded the prospect of going there to slave away the day doing things he thought were simply a waste of his time. He should have been assigned to something else more important. He should have been working with bleeding edge technology, or being involved in a project whose technological impact affected millions of people. But he was stuck somewhere else. A place where he sat all day in front of a phone and a locked-down laptop. He would probably spend a large part of his day staring at endless blatherings in his e-mail inbox about petty concerns in the office. He would likely be incessantly annoyed again by the constant blinking of the tiny red light on his telephone. The non-stop blinking proved to be quite a distraction for him when he had work to do. The phone unit was obviously broken but support staff simply ingnored his request for a new phone saying that the complaint was not considered high on their list. "Hah!" He let out a frustrated breath. He was a consultant. A seemingly important title that in reality, carried little to no weight. A sugar-coated farce of a role if there ever was one. He was just another hired hand. A nobody. And nobody really cared. He was trapped and he didn't know how to escape.

While walking through the familiar narrow sidestreets of his neighborhood, his thoughts drifted from one unsavory memory to another as he tried to remember something positive about his job. His current work wasn't doing his morale any good obviously. He desperately tried to shake off the billowing cloud of dispair that was starting to take shape in his mind again. "No! Not today." he tried to convince himself. "Im starting a new day.", and as if someone was intently listening to his very thoughts, an answer immediately followed: "Brave words you moron!", said the small mocking voice at the back of his mind. And almost at the same instant, he nearly tripped while walking and this only made him more frustrated. The world seemed to be against him. He winced at the turmoil that was seething within. He could almost feel it like it had a life of its own. That shadowy form with innumerable writhing, slimly tendrils, slithering morbidly along the dark corners of his mind, waiting to pounce and drag him down the murky depths of utter despair. That despicable thing kept laughing at his anguish, greedily devouring each failure he endured in life and gleefully spitting it right back in his face when his spirit was at its weakest. Surely, what he was feeling was the handiwork of the devil himself. He tried to look at the brightness that lit his way while he silently strode to where he would take his ride. The sun felt pleasantly warm on his face. It gave him a renewed feeling of serenity. "There is hope everywhere." he repeatedly said to himself, and silently moved on.

It wasn't long before he finally arrived at the train station, the smoke-riddled journey certainly didn't help improve his outlook one bit. But he just sighed and started walking up the stairs to the elevated train station. He always counted the number of steps he took everytime he walked this path to amuse himself and forget how tiring it was. He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw there wasn't a long line of people at the booth. As he waited for the train to arrive, he looked out along the railing down to the street below the station. He was almost 5 floors up from the street. The world always looked different from here. Everything seemed more distant, more in their proper perspective. Looking out, he could see things for what they really were. People down below were small. Almost like scurrying ants going about their business. The rusted roofs showed their true age while most of the facades had a fresh coat of paint. This just forstalled the inevitable he thought. All the bright colors would bear the mark of soot coming from the passing vehicles all too soon. The cracks would be visible again. Then they'd have to patch it up again and again... The thought came to him again all of the sudden. "Its really all for nothing. People are finite, fickle little things. Like a moth drawn to a flame then suddenly snuffed out in an instant. After all, everything comes to an end right? Why even fight or struggle at all? Anyway, life is just a cruel joke where everyone is the laughing stock". He instictivly slammed his right fist at the metal guard rail to keep himself from thinking anymore nonsense. He stared at his bruised knuckles. He felt relieved that the pain stopped him from thinking of more negative thoughts. It was good that there weren't many people at the station at the time. He didn't want to unnecessarily alarm anyone. "God. Please keep me sane.", he said to himself silently.

As he rode the train to work, he couldn't help but think of his family. If they knew how he really felt inside, would they think of him as a selfish man? a self-centered bastard? he tried to shrug off the idea. He couldn't bear the thought of his family thinking of him in such a horrible way. He just closed his eyes and tried to remember something else. His mind drifted to earlier that morning... In his mind's eye, he recalled how he opened up his eyes, feeling as if half of him was still in a dream and the other half just starting to wake up. Finally, he could almost see the ceiling through the haze after rubbing his eyes a bit. Though he felt the usual ache of his lower back and ribs, he did not feel too weary as he normally did the previous months. whether it was the effect of the drugs his doctor prescribed the day before, or the way he kept trying to convince himself he would turn over a new leaf, he did not know. But somehow, he was actually feeling good enough that morning to not dread going to the office. He shook off the sleep still lingering in his head and looked around the room. He saw his wife sleeping soundly beside him. He smiled to himself remembering how she woke him up around 3am and silently made love to him while their children slept. He could still feel the slight throb of his manhood while he stared at his still-sleeping wife. He caressed her smooth arm and smiled to himself naughtily. He loved this woman with all his heart. Leaving her side was something he wished he didn't have to do on a daily basis. Overcoming his reluctance, he took a deep breath before finally managing to pull himself out of bed. Tiptoing carefully over the matresses where his children soundly slept, he silently crept out of the bedroom and went down the stairs. The air in house was still. He shook off his drowsiness and willed himself to go to the bathroom to prepare himself for the day ahead. Taking a cold shower always did the trick. For some unfathomable reason, he felt good that particular morning and he didnt want to lose the feeling. He was going to the office today and nothing was going to ruin his day he mused to himself.

At least, that was what he thought...